This recap is for the East Coast Performance. Notes on the West Coast Performance come at the end.
Danny comes into the bar angry at Justin. He takes his beer and blows the foam on him. Then he hands him back his beer and goes and sits beside Leslie. Justin told Leslie that they would watch Rules of Engagement with her that night. He says “I can not think of anything worse, no offense.” Leslie says “offense taken” but Danny is adamant that she can’t take offense because he specifically said “no offense”.
Personally, I find things more offensive is someone says “no offense” because it means they clearly knew what they were saying was offensive. Which means they shouldn’t have said it but that since they did choose to say it they felt that saying it was worth the risk of being offensive. Which makes saying “no offense” basically a lie because they already decided it was worth the risk of offending you. So, that makes it actually offensive even if what they initially said wasn’t offensive at all.
“Just Saying” is even worse than “no offense”. Seriously…when someone says “just saying” to me I instantly want to stab them in the face. It is such a snobby, bitchy, douchey sounding thing to say. It is my absolute biggest pet peeve. There actually aren’t very many things that actually make me super angry but people saying “just saying” to me is the biggest one.
Oh yeah….the show…right…anyway.
Danny asks if Justin always has to stick his nose in everyone’s business. Justin says “Hi I’m Justin, I thought we had met.” Danny says he always has to go and “Justin” things. Candace asks if to “Justin” things is make anything instantly more romantic by putting you into a dance spin anytime you touch his shoulder. They do a dance spin and end in a dip that Justin can’t hold. He slowly lowers Candace to the floor. Danny says that is the saddest thing he has ever seen. He explains that to “Justin” things is “to take something and completely ruin it”. Brett pipes in saying he “spilled ketchup and Justined my pants”. Burski asks what “to Danny” something means. Danny says it’s kind of inexplicable. It’s more of a positive energy thing. He says “Have you seen the new Star Wars trailer? They replaced the Force with the Danny.” Shelly says he saw a black storm trooper in that trailer so he says anything is possible.
Justin says from now on he considers “to danny” to mean “to jerk”. “As in you’re jerking me. You’re jerking your friends. You’re jerking everyone!”, says Justin. Brett says that sounds like a busy night.
The camera cuts to Waz’s guitar playing the theme rif and then it drifts over to a wall with the Undateable Live sign in and then down a hall to a guy stacking boxes. One of the boxes says “Tonight’s Musical Guest: Saint Motel”. Then it moves over to the stage where the band is playing. It cuts to the set where Chris D’Elia and he darts to the audience and pulls his shirt off for his credit shot. Then Brent Morin is standing in his boxers in the audience for his credit shot. Ron Funches is also in boxers, taking his pants off during the shot for his. Bianca Kajlich is sitting down and takes her pants off during the shot (or pretends to take them off) then holds them up and waves them around like a stripper. Bridgit Mendler takes her pants off in the shot (looking about as adorable as possible while doing so). She’s wearing little pajama shorts under her pants. David Fynn is seemingly naked holding a sign over his crotch that says “Call Danny’s phone at 313-525-2014”. Rick Glassman gets stuck taking his shirt off and falls on to people’s laps during his credit shot. A man in a director’s chair holds the Undateable Live sign with a little blond boy standing behind him.
I don’t know whose kids that is but he’s been around for every episode this season. So, I’m assuming he belongs to one of the cast members or one of the, probably above the line, crew members.
Also, if you DO call that number while the show isn’t airing you get a voicemail message and get told the voicemail box is full but if you call or text during the live airing you sometimes get to talk to Chris D’Elia or get a text in reply. I imagine it’s easier to text than it is to call. Calling probably largely results in a busy signal or getting voicemail. I always forget to text while the show is airing since I don’t get to watch it when it airs live.
The next scene is in Justin and Danny’s house. Shelly (wearing a robe) gives Justin (wearing pajamas) a hug and asks how he is doing. Justin says “not great” because last night when he was in bed with Candace he accidentally called her Danny. He says “what? they sounds the same.” Danny says “no they don’t and why would you even share that with us.” Justin says Shelly’s hugs are so loving you can’t help but be truthful. Danny insists there is no such thing as a truth hug. Shelly says “Oh really? Danny what’s your biggest regret in life?” Danny says he doesn’t have one. Shelly sneaks up behind him and hugs him and says “Tell Me”. Danny says “I wish I’d slept with Whitney Cummings in real life.”
One of those things where it helps to know information about the actors, Chris D’Elia was previously on a (pretty funny) show called Whitney that starred Whitney Cummings. He played her boyfriend/husband.
Danny tells Shelly the bathroom is all his. Candace comes in and asks is something is going on because it’s 3rd night Shelly has stayed there. Danny gets defensive and Justin says that usually means he is hiding a secret. Danny asks what he is going to do. He tells him not to sing a song. Justin says he won’t sing a song. He says he will sing everything he does like life is Broadway Musical. Danny says “You wouldn’t dare.” Justin sings, “Yes I would. Candace can you help me find my phone.” Candace sings “It’s on the couch where you always leave it.”. Then Danny tries to read the paper and Justin starts singing that then they have some sort of weird…singing argument. It’s to hard to transcribe. Candace calls them off. She grabs Danny’s chest hair and tells him to tell her what’s going on with Shelly or she will rip out his chest hair. He says okay and tells her to let it go. He asks his chest hair if they’re okay. Then launches into what’s wrong with Shelly. Shelly’s Mom lost her job. So now he has to pay her rent. Which means he can’t afford his rent. So, he had to move in with his Mom. He’s bummed out about having to live with his Mom. So, it helps him feel better if he stays with them. So, Danny told him he could stay there. Justin wants to help him. Danny says (jumping on the top of the counter for some reason) “No we’re not” because he wasn’t even supposed to tell them what was going on. He tells Justin to not get weird or emotional because then Shelly will know he knows and he will get upset. Justin says he can control his emotions and tells Danny to get off the counter. Danny gets down saying he is like Spider Man.
Shelly comes out asking if anyone would like some tea. Justin says he’d love some tea and says Shelly is a good friend and hugs him. Danny drags Justin away angrily.
At the bar, Leslie sees Burski’s phone and asks if that’s a puppy. He says yeah as she takes the phone to look at the puppy. He then warns her that if she accidentally scrolls in either direction she will see a penis. She gives him back the phone. She sits down beside him and asks why he always has to “Burski” everything. Which means to make everything “gross and penis-y”. Candace says they figured out what everyone’s names mean. “To Leslie” means to guzzle a whole bottle of wine in one sitting. “To Candace”means to overuse the phrase “Leslie you have a problem”. Brett asks what is “Bretting”. Burski says maybe it means to be in worse shape than most gay guys. Brett doesn’t love that. He tells them to think of something. He says they should know him by now. “Do you guys just think I’m just some random gay British dude whose randomly tending bar in Detroit randomly for some reason that no one has ever explained.” He looks directly into the camera at the end of the line.
I howled with laughter at that. It hadn’t really occurred to me that that hadn’t been explained. It has been said that Brett and Justin met in college. I assumed Brett went to college in the US to get away from his family and friends back home because he was gay and trying to hide it but was subconsciously also wanting to go far from home so he would feel safer to eventually come out. I assumed he stayed in the US for the same reason. Then when Justin opened the bar he gave Brett the job buuuut what was he doing before Justin hired him? What did he go to college for? I don’t know. I inferred a lot from random tidbits. They haven’t actually explained much of anything about Brett.
It’s largely David Fynn’s delivery that makes the joke so funny, though.
Brett says it’s like you guys can’t even see me and then Justin runs in and stands directly in front of Brett to talk to the girls and Burski. Brett yells “come on” and keeps trying to peak around Justin. Justin is telling them he needs their help to convince Shelly to take Candace’s old bedroom upstairs.
Why doesn’t Justin live in the apartment upstairs? It would be cheaper than renting the room at Danny’s and more convenient for work. It’s what I would do.
Shelly’s comes in and Justin asks him to help out by taking some garbage out from upstairs. He says it’s just a bunch of candy and magazines about women with big butts. Shelly says he called the right man for the job. He goes upstairs. Danny comes in with his phone in his hand asking why Shelly is going upstairs. Justin says “No I became a completely different person and kept it to myself”. Leslie tells Danny to relax because they have a plan. Justin tells them the plan. When Shelly comes down Justin will casually mention that the bar was robbed. Brett and Leslie will stammer. Then Candace will say “if someone was staying upstairs none of this would have ever happened.” Justin says that’s a great idea someone should live upstairs. Then he will kiss Candace. Burski says then him and Leslie will kiss. Leslie says no they won’t. Justin will ask if anyone can crash there for a while to keep an eye on things. No one can. They assume Shelly will volunteer. Then Shelly has somewhere to live and he doesn’t know Justin ever knew about anything.
Danny says he forgot about a little monkey wrench in his plan. Then he makes monkey noises and pantomimes taking a wrench out of his pocket. Brett says, “Danny do you think a monkey wrench is just a monkey holding a wrench?”. Danny says yeah and that the monkey just goes around and unscrews everyone’s plans.
Which in his defense DOES still make sense.
Danny goes on to say Shelly doesn’t want charity. So, they’re not doing that. Justin says fine they won’t but Danny will. Danny asks why he would do that. Justin says because he changed him. He cares about people now. So, if something bad happens to Shelly it will all be on him.
How would something bad happen? He isn’t sleeping in a park. He is living with his Mom or on their couch. That isn’t going to kill him…probably.
Shelly comes down holding a big bag of candy and a stack of magazines called Lotta Butts. He says his night is planned and tells them to have a good night. Danny stops him. He rambles out a long stream of dialogue that basically goes through the main points of the plan to get Shelly to live upstairs. Shelly agrees to do it then says he will go get settled in.
After Shelly is gone Justin says he helped a friend and asks how he feels. Danny says he is tired of all this monkey business. Then he makes monkey noises and pantomimes a monkey straightening a tie then sitting at a desk typing and talking on a phone. Justin asks what the hell he is doing. Brett says “I believe that is a monkey conducting business.”
Waz plays as they come back from commercial. Then Shelly is standing on the landing at the top of the stairs addressing the bar. He is wearing pajamas (Detroit themed of course). He says “People of Detroit. It is bed time. I am about to consume this edible and go have some crazy dreams. Please finish your drinks and decide if you’re going to have hot sex with the person you’re talking to. Always use condoms. Go Lions.” Shelly comes down the stairs saying he has a couple questions about the robbery. Danny is scared he knows (and makes monkey noises again…for some reason…probably because they’re funny and make the audience laugh). Justin says he doesn’t know the truth. Shelly asks the truth about what. Justin says the truth about teen pregnancy. He says isn’t that right Danny. Danny spiels out a long speech about birth control and how research shows that knowledge based sex education helps decrease teen pregnancy but abstinence only programs do not. Then he wanders off and over to where the others are. Justin follows. Danny and Justin sit at the table with Shelly. Shelly asks how the robbery went down. Justin explains and Danny echoes him and adds bits and pieces. They’re talking over each other again. Shelly says they’re acting weird. He asks what the policeman looked like. They all say different things. Shelly says he has heard all he needs to hear and….it all checks out. Brett asks, incredulously, “Does it Shell?”. Shelly says yeah he trusts them. He gets up and asks Justin for a hug but Danny grabs him before he can got to Shelly saying he is going for a truth hug. Shelly chases them trying them to hug one of them. He gets Candace. Candace spills the truth and Shelly drops her on the floor. He says they made him look like a “damn fool” and he goes up stairs.
I think this is first time they’ve shown Shelly get angry.
Shelly is dressed again now and he is throwing his things down the stairs. Danny and Justin are telling him he doesn’t have to move out. He insists he does because they violated his trust and turned him into a charity case. He throws a teddy bear at Danny. Danny says throwing a large teddy bear at him isn’t going to hurt him. Shelly drops a computer over the balcony breaking a table. Justin rushes to the computer asking if it was his computer. Shelly comes down stairs saying how can he trust them again. Asking if anyone has an answer for that. His Dad was a taker he says and he promised he would never be a charity case like his Dad. Danny says they understand that but then he met Justin and Justin changes people. Danny says he is mad at him for Bretting this. Brett comes over happy asking what “bretting” means. Danny says it means to take a simple thing like nicknames or letting a friend stay with you and turn it into an emotional problem like a 13 year old girl. Brett looks upset then smiles and says “I love it” and tries to hug Danny.
Leslie says the bottom line is he always helps them out and now they want to help him. He says he’s sorry but he doesn’t want the room. Justin doesn’t believe him. He says that the reason people tell the truth when he hugs them is because the hugs are so loving they can’t help but tell the truth. He says lets see how you like it. Justin hugs Shelly and calls the others over to hug him, too. They all go over with Danny resisting it and staying sitting down until Justin says he has to come, too. They all hug Shelly in a big hugging pile….hugging orgy? Hugging melee? I’ll stick with hugging orgy. Justin says tell the truth. He asks if he really wants the room and he admits he does. Danny if you just go stay up there and we promise not to mention it will that be fine.Shelly says yes. Leslie asks if he is coping a feel of her butt. Shelly says “you better believe it”. Burski asks whose butt he is squeezing. Brett says “doooon’t worry about it.”
The hug breaks apart. Shelly says he will gather his things and head up to his room. He thanks them for being such good friends. Danny asks if the others want to hang around and drink or if they should leave before “Mom” starts to cry. He gestures at Justin. Justin gives a little speech and wants a hug but the others all run off.
The band plays again and the cast and crew come out to dance around the stage.
I still wonder how they pick the bands…Are they Detroit bands? That would be cool.
There were some difference in the West Coast performance but not really a lot of them this time, not a lot of big ones, anyway.
In one shot at the beginning, another camera man is accidentally in the way when they cut to a camera that is behind him.
And the part about Justin saying they’ll watch a movie with Leslie is different. Danny says “I can’t believe you told my sister I’d watch a movie with her and she chose 30 Minutes or Less and it was super awkward because she got topless in it”. Bianca Kajlich obviously wasn’t expecting this joke because she laughs so much she can’t stop or even attempt to hide it. When Danny says the “worst thing ever, no offense” part. It takes her a second to say “offense taken” and she is smiling and kind of still laughing. I like this one better than the other line. I’m assuming the other joke was probably also a reference to something one of them acted in but I didn’t get it.
Another difference is that Danny helps Candace up after Justin lets her down to the floor after their dance spin joke.
Oh, also Danny asks Justin about the new Adele single after he says he can control his emotions and Shelly doesn’t come back out during that scene to ask about tea.
When they’re talking about what Bretting can be before his joke about why he is in Detroit to begin with he says “I’ve been a bit randy lately. What if bretting was wanting to have sex with everyone” and Leslie says that one is taken by Mrs Bosma. Then it shows the older lady that it’s shown in previous episodes (usually also with sex jokes) and she says “I love to bang.” I love that lady. She should be in every episode.
Justin says Shelly’s happiness lies on Danny instead of saying it’s Danny’s fault if something bad happens (or may be he said the same thing in the first performance and I couldn’t understand it?).
Danny’s monkey business act includes throwing pretzels this time around. Shelly doesn’t drop Candace on the floor. Danny makes a comment about Shelly’s pajamas.
More of the cast dance in front of the stage during the last band performance.
A few other lines have slight differences but those were the big ones. Maybe there were still a lot of differences….more than I realized at first cause I watched them at different times. It’s definitely always worth trying to track down both performances if you can. They’re both always funny and the slight differences are worth seeing.
I don’t believe the last episode has two performances. I’m not sure why not.
I still love this show. I hope it comes back next season. This episode had a good balance of in jokes and references to the cast themselves and whatnot as well as a more in depth storyline. It worked well and it seems like they’re getting the hang of what works and what doesn’t as the season progresses. It’s the show I look the most forward to every week (although after this week it will be tied with The Librarians for that).